when you have no more patience

As a parent I feel like my limits are tested daily.  Being pulled in too many directions as a wife, mother, friend, family member.  The problem is I want to love and support each aspect of my life but at times I feel completely insufficient.

Today has been a hard day.

Both of my children have been clinging and whining all morning but I really needed an hour to get ready, pack lunches, start laundry and finish dishes to start the dishwasher prior to going to a "B is for Beaver" class at 10.  My children had other plans.

As I tried to literally jump in the shower to wet my bed head, Carson some how gets in the medicine closet, pulls out the plunger, proceeds to wave it "like he just don't care" and wash his sister.  {Now I am in the shower for 2, no joke, 2 minutes}.  Madison decides to rearrange our entire dresser full of underwear, work out gear, t-shirts and mix that with the dirty laundry basket.  TWO MINUTES PEOPLE!

My pure frustration at the situation and all the moments leading to this, was putting me over the edge.  I felt my patience thinning to the point of non existence.  I wanted to scream and yell and throw a tantrum.  Instead, I took a breath, spoke kindly but firmly and asked them to both go to Madison's room. 

Madison "why mommy?"

"I feel like I might explode right now and need a minute to breath.  There has been too much whining and too many messes to count in one day. I just need a minute."

Madison "Okay, Mommy.  But I love you to the moon and stars." {proceeds to shuffle her brother to her room}

Well now I feel like an A**Hole {yes, that is the word that went across my mind}

Who me?!?

These toddler moments are too precious and I know I need to cherish all their need for me.  But it is hard.  Super hard some days.  You want to say, I am doing this for you.  Why don't you understand that the reason I am not spending time with you at this moment is because we are going to do something so fun in an hour.  Ha, if logic worked for a 1 and 3 year old like that!

But for all those people who tell me Carpe Diem or you will miss these days of toddlerhood, I get it.  Right now I just want to seize the day by myself, in a hole, with no responsibility.

I know our family is blessed. I know my children are amazing.  I love them both so dearly.  I think that is why at times I feel like I am failing.  But I know even after they wake up from their naps in a few minutes a new day will begin {and hopefully with a lot less whining}.